Every Man Should Have to Wear a Speedo to the Beach at Least Once
Summary
A stranger on the subway insists that every man should have to wear a Speedo to the beach at least once, framing it as a path to personal freedom and, let's be real, a chance for some eye candy. Kareem pushes back, citing insecurities about comparison and the fear of being exposed. But the rider isn't buying it. "Comparison is a thief of joy," they counter, before launching into a wildly ambitious theory: if America wants European-style public transit and healthcare, men need to embrace European beach culture. Speedos are the answer. The conversation spirals into a gleeful admission that this is about objectification, pure and simple. "Objectify men. Objectify more men. That's 2025 is all about." It's chaotic, horny, and somehow ends with a rallying cry to get naked.
Full Transcript
So what's your take? Every man should have to wear a Speedo to the beach at least once. Service? You have to wear a Speedo at least once. I've never done it and I'll never do it.
Why? Are you scared? Of course no. You shouldn't be scared. You hear that? You hear that? That's the sound of thousands of women in the comment section saying we're scared, but we have to be naked at the beach. Get naked. Not trying to be stereotypical, but you're probably packing heat.
No guy like me is not packing heat. Guess what, guess what? We're going to see it anyway. Whenever you wear a bag of swim trunks and they get wet and you get out of the pool, we anyway, don't—no one sees it. There's nothing to see. We've all seen it.
No, there's—and plus, people aren't even looking at that. I'm looking. You're looking.
Of course I'm—okay, so this is an internal fear. Oh, you gotta conquer that. Wear Speedo. I'm looking around, I'm seeing stuff that's media med, real girthy, real mey. And then I'm looking down and I'm seeing uh, you know, maybe average, maybe below a little bit. Comparison is a thief of joy. Imagine a world we can all wear Speedos at least once and go, "Okay, that wasn't for me, but I got to experience it." If America wants public transit, if America wants universal healthcare, where are those things? Europe. What do they do in Europe? Speedos. Got that's what we're missing.
Why are you advocating for this? Number one, I want people to be free. Number two, I'm greedy. I want to see it. I want to see it.
You do want to—you just said people weren't looking. You can't trust queer people. This isn't some secret LGBTQ plot. This is a very public plot. I want to see it. We're all thinking about it. Objectify men. Objectify men. Objectify more men. That's 2025 is all about. Get naked now. Cook.