Sides at restaurant should not only be free, they should be mandatory
Summary
A subway rider insists that sides at restaurants should be free and mandatory, launching into an impassioned defense that's equal parts nutritional concern and anti-capitalist manifesto. The conversation starts simple enough: sides are the best part of any meal, and calling them "sides" doesn't even make sense if they're sold separately. But things escalate quickly. The rider argues that protein-only entrees lead to hard poops, which cause colon cancer, meaning restaurants are literally trying to kill us by charging extra for greens. Fiber matters. Then Kareem mentions fiber optics, and suddenly they're arguing about whether the internet should be destroyed before it destroys us. The rider rants about cloud storage, feudalism, landlords using the internet to coordinate rent increases, and how subscriptions have turned housing into Netflix. Kareem's verdict: "He cooked. I made a meal with sides.
Full Transcript
So, what's your take? Sides at restaurants should not only be free, they should be mandatory. 100% agree. Sides are the best part of the meal.
It's not only that they're the best part. I don't like calling them sides. I like calling them appetizers.
Nah, that's they're two different things. It's sexist to call the sides sides cuz that implies like side piece.
I think you're just horny. I think you're just a little and I don't care for it at all.
Excuse me. There are families on this train. Oh, I'm sorry children. Wait for a second for them to get up out of here.
Anyways, tell me more about what why you think the sides are mandatory. Because you got to order a side on the side. That doesn't even make sense. If it's not on the side of anything, then it's an individual sole proprietorship. You know what I'm saying? I don't like that they even have an option for sides. It should just be included in the meal. There should be no such thing as sides.
100%. No sides. Yeah. If you just have an entree, it's mainly just like a protein. If you just eat a protein, then your poops are hard. If your poops are hard, then you're more likely to get colon cancer, which is higher in America than any other country in the world because they stopped giving us our sides. So they're trying to kill us. They're trying to kill us by not giving us greens on the side of a burger, okay? If we're paying restaurant price for a burger, it should come with a little bit of arugula on the side of it. It should come with a little bit of dressing. It should come with something to make the poop smooth. There's no reason that I should be out marbles like a rabbit.
So you're doing this for the fiber? I'm really big into fiber right now.
What about fiber optics? Fiber optics. You don't like fiber optics? We need to destroy the internet.
What? Before it destroys us.
100% disagree. What do you mean? We don't own anything anymore. No, no, it's in the cloud. Everything's in the cloud.
What's wrong with the cloud? We're moving towards a feudalist society where you don't own anything. If the internet was a tool of the people, that would be fine. But it's not. It's just a tool of these billionaires to keep that little ticker on their stock market going up as much as possible. These landlords are using the internet to talk with each other to strategically increase the price of rent as fast as possible to make sure you can never have a house. Now you're renting to have a house. That's a subscription fee. Your house is Netflix. That's the goal of the internet to make sure you own nothing and then you just bleed dry when you're old and you die.
He cooked. I made a meal with sides.