The 8 Hottest Takes on New York City

I think the mayor, you know, before he ends up like in a cell with Diddy should pass more legislation. So, what's your take? Bring it back to the old New York, man. [___] these bike lanes. [___] [___] [___] anything pedestrian. You know what I'm saying?

Havoc in the streets. Yeah. Take the bike lane away, bro. Give a [___] ride like they used to, bro. This ain't Copenhagen.

Wait. So, what do they do instead of ride like they used to, bro? You don't remember when it— I don't remember at all. No. Don't wait for the don't walk signs. Listen, that's how we know you're not from New York 'cause real New Yorkers don't wait. We look both ways like [___] common sense tells you to.

What do you think about stop signs? Stop signs. All right.

Hey, I can deal with them. What else do we—what other rules do we break?

Listen, man. Don't be courteous. Don't be courteous.

It's [___] your life. You know what I'm saying? Hop the turnstile once in your life. Stop being [___] all your life. You know what I'm saying? Don't—for [___] live life, bro. Stop following the rules. I love that everybody follows the rules. You know why? 'Cause it makes life easier for people like me that don't follow the rules. Like the HOV lanes, I love driving carpool.

Yeah, I drive in them shits by myself all the time. What happens when you get pulled over?

I got friends in the cops. I got the PBA cards. I never get tickets. I got fake handicap plaques. I got [___] bro—

How do I get on this level? It's deep. It's like the dark web.

Let me get on that level, bro. Yo, don't ever disrespect me looking like Jeff Goldblum, son. You heard? Don't never disrespect me with that thrift store [___] wedding outfit. You heard? Don't ever disrespect me with a crew neck and a hoodie at the same time, bro. What's wrong with you? Don't ever disrespect me looking like [___]—where's Waldo's drug addict's brother, you know?

100% agree. Look at this [___] guy. Look at this. Look at the shoes and the [___] the—the socks. Holy [___]—where you going? You look like you're going to a rodeo and a [___] triathlon at the same time, bro. Got [___] coffee stains on your knees. How do you even get that [___] there? What are you kneeling in?

[___] your life. Get this [___] out of—so, what's your take? Everybody in New York has rich parents or is selling drugs because how else can you afford this [___]?

100% agree. Everyone does have rich parents. It is a proven fact. And everybody's pretending that they don't have rich parents and they don't sell drugs. Which, look, I understand pretending to not sell drugs for legality purposes. But pretending you don't have rich parents is kind of getting like, "Oh, like, oh yeah, you're a starving artist and like Bushwick." No, dude. Your dad's the CEO of Lockheed Martin. Like, bro, like, okay, Stacy, like, you want me to split the $10 Uber after I bought you a hell of drinks and let him cook. Stacy, I'm not sending you $5 for the Venmo request. Your dad is literally the CEO of Boeing. Average rent for a one-bedroom apartment in New York City is $4,200.

Yeah. Working one job is not enough. You got to be moving that white, bro. So, you either have rich parents or you're moving that white.

Yeah. I don't think green is enough either. I think you really got to be Frank Lucas out in this [___] to survive. If you're selling the green stuff, you're literally like lower middle class.

Bro, the deli sells the green. They selling sandwiches and weed to try to pay the [___] rent. The deli. The deli. You can buy shrooms from the deli. They got all kind of drugs. That's what I'm trying to say. It's mad expensive in this mother. Your mics these cost $3 now, son. This is not cheap. I had to hop the train today. That's $3 I need. Like I might have to rob it today so I can pay my landlord. That's all I got to say.

So, what's your take? If you're from New York, you got to be born in New York.

100% disagree. I do not think that is—that's not accurate. That's not fair. Why do you disagree with that?

Because you can be from somewhere. Yeah.

But I can say I'm a New Yorker. I believe—if Jesus was born somewhere else, it would be a different story. We're bringing Jesus into this.

It's about birth where you're from. So you—if you're not a born New Yorker—

—you can never be a New Yorker. No, you can have kids in New York and they could be New Yorkers.

You can live by proxy of your children. So my child who was born in New York—

Yeah. He's official. —she's a New Yorker.

Yeah, you suspect. Okay, I'm suspect.

But your child is official. Official. But daddy's suspect. It's okay. Okay. But if I was born in Egypt and I grew up in Minnesota.

Yes. And I live in New York for the past 13 years.

Yeah. I'm just Egyptian.

Yeah. By New York standards you Egyptian. That's it. That's where you was born at.

What about attitude style? You have the same attitude you had at the hospital.

No, I don't. Look, you're crying again. It's the same reaction out of the hospital. You're born in Egypt. You're Egyptian. That's it.

That's it. That is so insane crazy. I mean, it makes sense. The people that are born here are the people in your dreams. When you're from Minnesota and you're dreaming about coming to New York, we're the little people that you can't see in your dreams. But we on Spring Street already. It's not exciting. So that's who we are. I don't know. I'm a little sad, right?

But you had kids. You did right. You had kids in New York. They're New Yorkers, but I'm not.

Yeah. It's okay. You can't get everything. Once I hit 15 years, I could say I'm a New Yorker.

15 years. What is this, a residency? No, you're not. Look. Yes. There should be a time.

No, there's no born residency. Can I become a citizen?

That's paperwork. But you're born where you're born. That's it. Like that's why people are obsessed because they're mad their parents weren't making love in New York. New York is a brand and they keep trying to infiltrate that. Thanks for coming on the best show in New York. Brought to you by a guy born in Egypt.

Yep. A suspect. So, what's your take?

Eric Adams is a terrible mayor and he's single-handedly making life more expensive for New Yorkers. 100% agree. Let's go.

Look, here's the thing. New Yorkers, we got basic needs. Whether it's housing, electricity, water, food, Eric Adams is jacking up the price in every single category of those things. How's he doing it?

So, with housing, the mayor controls the rent for 2 million New Yorkers who live in rent stabilized units. He has raised the rent by 9% since he began being mayor. For Con Ed bills, in order for them to go up, they have to get signed off on. The mayor signed off on a $70 increase in monthly Con Ed bills. For water, he is making it more expensive to shower, right? It's now going to cost $9 more for your water bill. Are you kidding me? Highest it's been in 14 years.

And then for food, how much is your halal right now? Seven bucks.

My halal in Astoria, $10. That's awful.

The reason it's $10. Gentrified halal.

The gentrified halal. And you know who's doing it is Eric Adams. The city can issue up to 445 permits a year for mobile food vending. Right. They're only issued 71 in 3 years because they're not issuing enough. Halal truck vendors have to buy it off the black market. There's a vendor who spent— 18K. 18K to get a license off the black market.

What did you have any words for Eric Adams? I'm sure he's going to see this. Eric Adams, say goodbye to your second term because you should not be running New York City. You're making it too expensive for New Yorkers to live in this city.

Get him. It's the truth.

Eric Adams, I'm not voting for you. Neither am I.

So, what's your take? Okay, first—