Therapists should not be hot
Summary
Therapists should be ugly. That's the blunt take from a rider who's had one too many attractive therapists, and he's got receipts. He admits to doing push-ups in the lobby before sessions, lying about his life, and even telling other people's stories to impress his hot therapist. Can't be vulnerable when you're trying to look good. Kareem suggests therapy never works because you inevitably fall in love with your therapist, but the conversation takes a wild turn when the rider reveals his elderly therapist had him set up her Roku during a session. He watched her dogs. She still has his Hulu password. As Kareem puts it, "That's your ex-girlfriend.
Full Transcript
So, what's your take? Therapists should not be hot. 100% agree. Therapists should be ugly. They should. They shouldn't be attractive whatsoever. Nope. You have a hot therapist. Now you're trying to like impress them. You're lying about your life. I'm wearing things I wouldn't normally wear. You know, I'm doing push-ups in the lobby.
Preach. Now, my stories, they're not even my stories. I'm telling somebody else's stories. I go from the guy who's like bullied to now I'm like the reformed bully because you want a little sympathy. I want a little sympathy. I was like, "What a good guy. What a great guy. Oh, he feels bad for what he did." But the truth is I'm incredibly petty. Wildly vindictive. But I can't be honest about that.
How many hot therapists have you had? I've had a few hot therapists. Uh, both gender. This goes for whatever gender, whatever sexuality. You know, I'm I'm a straight man, but you know when someone's hot. I know when someone's hot. I still want that person to like me. How can I be vulnerable if I want you to like me?
I think therapy doesn't work at all because you always inevitably fall in love with the therapist regardless again if they're a man or woman. How can a hot therapist relate to my life? They can't. They can't. What are they going to tell me? Oh, relax. It'll all work out.
What's your ideal therapist? Like an asexual freak. That would be ideal.
Okay, so this is a two-pronged approach. Therapist should not be too old either. Oh, no. No. That's I want them to be 80.
No. Yes.
Big mistake. I don't want a 25-year-old kid that just graduated from college, doesn't even have any experience in life. Here's why I don't think therapists should be too old cuz they can't relate to my modern day problems. Such as I'd be like telling her a story and she'd interrupt it. She'd be like, "What's GrubHub?" And I'm like, "I don't have the time, Dolores, to get into what GrubHub is. It's an app that delivers Thai food to my home. I use it to get pad thai. That's—" But now we're talking about pad thai for like an hour. I'm not even kidding. There was one session I helped her set up a Roku.
You were at her house? I—Yeah, I show—
What were you doing at her house? I was trying to get better. I was trying to improve my life, but it turned into like I'm doing like community service for like an old person. She wasn't even there one time. I was like watching her dogs. I think she still signed into my Hulu account.
She's not your therapist anymore. Not my therapist anymore. But she still has your Roku password. She has my Hulu.
That's your ex-girlfriend. I love you, Dolores.