You should only be allowed to have a dog in New York City if you're gay
Ft. Joe Apollonio
Summary
A subway rider drops a spicy opinion: only gay people should be allowed to have dogs in New York City. Kareem's intrigued but confused. The logic gets messier from there. The anonymous interviewee, who's currently tapering off Lexapro, argues that the city has too many dogs and that queer people are more empathetic pet owners anyway. They're bi, so "some would say that I can only have half a dog." When Kareem tries to work through the math of how many dogs this policy would actually eliminate (something about 4% of 50%), the conversation derails completely. "Dude, I've done far too many drugs in my 20s to follow this," the rider admits. The take's real point emerges: there are just too many damn dogs pooping everywhere in NYC, and the magic of dog ownership has lost its meaning when everyone treats it like a quirky personality trait instead of genuine emotional support.
Full Transcript
So, what's your take? You should only be allowed to have a dog in New York City if you're gay.
100% agree.
Great. See you later. Everyone and their mother has a dog in New York these days. It's become part of the zeitgeist that having a dog is like this cool quirky personality trait. And I feel like it's like kind of ruined the sacred relationship of like a dog giving unconditional love and emotional healing to like the city dweller who's been traumatized by family.
I'm, I'm not I'm not following.
So why, what are you saying? I'm just saying it's like I feel like, okay, if you're going to have a dog in like a small cramped apartment, it should have like some true emotional purposes.
Dog is man's best friend.
Yeah.
So why can't straight people have man's best friend?
Dude? Okay.
Wait, what? I'm going to be real with you. Like I'm like tapering off of Lexapro right now and I have like no idea what's going on.
Do you have a dog? I'm by, so some would say that I can only have half a dog.
Why can only gay people have dogs? I'm, I'm still not following. Is trying to you agree with? I know, but I agree for different reasons. I think queer people are more empathetic and caring toward animals than straight people are because they listen to any.
I just think that there are too many dogs in the city.
I do agree with that too. I think there's way too many dogs.
How many gay people are there? There's probably more dogs in the city than there are gay people.
But what's the percentage of gay people in the city? Dude, I'm not like a mathematician or anything.
But if 50% of the people in this city own dogs.
Yeah.
And 4% of those 50% are gay. Uh-huh. We've reduced the amount of dogs in the city by 40.
Dude, I've done far too many drugs in my 20s to follow this. [laughter] Everyone's got a dog, poop and everywhere. It's annoying. I love dogs and sometimes I'm walking around and I'm like, I don't like dogs as much as I used to. I don't know if I have like a proper solution. Once again, like I am coming down off uh anti-depressants.
So, well, I think you've done a pretty good job for being in withdrawal. [snorts]
Thanks, Dave.
Come over anytime. I'll pet you like a little dog.