Company parties áre a setup
Summary
Company parties are surveillance operations disguised as appreciation, according to a straphanger who's convinced HR is lurking in the bathroom with pink slips. "Susan from HR" is supposedly there to identify liabilities, spot who gets drunk and spills secrets, and figure out who's job hunting or flirting with the manager's wife. Kareem pushes back, but the rider insists a real gift would be cold hard cash, not "this bullshit wine and shrimp and caviar." When Kareem admits his work parties usually just serve pizza, the response is swift: "You need to get a better job." The kicker? This conspiracy theorist has been fired before, though not at a company party. For what? "Maybe talking back a little bit." Kareem can definitely see that.
Full Transcript
So, what's your take? Company parties are a setup.
100% disagree. Disagree. They're a setup to hang out with a bunch of losers, but that's as far as—
No, no. If they actually cared about you, they would be giving you a bonus, okay? Not some forced fun party with Susan from HR. And guess what? She brought her pink slips with her, okay? She's waiting in the bathroom to hear all of the gossip, and she has her pink slips ready to go.
What are the pink slips for? Firing people. We're trying to see who's the most loyal. That's what they're talking about, okay? That's what they want to know with company parties. Who's the most loyal? Who's going to get drunk, start spilling secrets? They're job hunting, okay? Maybe someone's flirting with the manager's wife. Maybe something else is going on. This is what they want to know, okay? The DJ's playing music, or they're—they're—they're trying to spot all the liabilities, okay? That's what's going on right now.
So you think the company party is set up to fire people? Yes. If you actually cared about me and you wanted to give me a good gift at the end of the year, give me a bonus. I want the cold hard cash. I don't want this bullshit wine and shrimp and caviar. Save it.
Who gives shrimp and caviar at a work party? You've never had shrimp and caviar?
Not at a work function. Okay, well, you need to get a better job.
I don't have a job. I sit on the train. Usually when I go to a work party, it's—it's like pizza, and like, that's it. It's always pizza. No, no, no. This is where the company is trying to show off how much money they have with caviar and shrimp in an open bar. Everyone's going crazy.
Have you been fired? No comment.
It wasn't at a company party though, okay? I'll give you that.
What did you get fired for? Was it an infraction? You know, maybe talking back a little bit.
I can see that. I don't know you, but I can see that. I can definitely see that.