Stop discriminating against hot nannies
Summary
A self-described hot nanny confronts Kareem about discrimination in childcare hiring, insisting she's got 20 years of experience (she picked up her first poo from her nephew at age 9). Kareem's not buying it. He wants a grandma nanny, someone with 40 years under her belt, specifically because he doesn't want the distraction of an attractive caregiver around his hypothetical Egyptian baby. The straphanger makes her pitch anyway, offering spiritual nourishment, physical grounding, and a willingness to adapt her wardrobe to household vibes. She's been celibate for a year and a half, her energy closed off to men but wide open to babies. Kareem remains skeptical but tells her to email her resume. The whole exchange plays like an absurd job interview conducted at high speed on the subway.
Full Transcript
So, what's your take? Stop discriminating against hot nannies.
100%? Disagree.
I know. Why would I want a hot nanny? That's playing with fire. That's between you and your temptations. Me and your baby were vibing.
I want a nanny who is seasoned. I have 20 years of experience.
What? You started babysitting when you were 11? When I was 7 years old? The—I picked up my first poo from my 3-year-old nephew when I was 9 years old.
You weren't cooking chicken breast back then? But I'm cooking it now.
No, I want like 40 years of experience. You just arbitrarily made up that number. No, no. I want a grandma. I want a nanny that's a grandma nanny.
No, no. I want an old nanny. And most old people are not necessarily attractive. Hot.
So, what's the issue with having a hot nanny? It's a distraction. I'm trying to raise my kid.
But you're not the main client. The client— I literally am the one paying. I am the client. The baby's not the client. The baby doesn't even know what—the baby doesn't even know what she's doing.
What do you want for your baby? You want nourishment? You want spiritual nourishment? You want love? You want intimacy? You want grounding, physical grounding. I am offering the baby all of these things. You want to trust the nanny's expertise, which I think I can prove. What are you trying to prove? Are you—is this a job interview?
This is a job interview. Who is this? Did you bring your resume? What is happening here? Are you trying to be my baby's nanny?
I would love to nanny a baby, a brown baby, an Egyptian baby. That's like, you know, reminds me of my family. And I think if I'm deprived of that because of what I look like, that's unfair. Find another kid. Is this literally about me? Find another kid. There's thousands of brown babies.
That's fair. It doesn't have to be your child. Oh, okay. Good. Here's the big problem. People do be the nanny.
But that's got to be a two-way street, right? You adapt based on the household. You know, if the dad's like a little creepy, he's hanging around. I'm—I'm back at hijab. I'm in my Islamic school uniform. You know what I mean? But if the dad's chill, then you know, I'll wear a tank top with the baby. Tits out.
I'll let the girls breathe a little bit. No. No tits out, dude.
Okay. So, in your household, I would be covered. Good. That's what I want it to be like. I'm like completely closed off my energy to men. I've been celibate for a year and a half, but my energy is open to babies.
All right, I'll consider it. Thank you.
Email me the resume. I'll think about it.