Straight people have terrible taste in gay people
Summary
Straight people have terrible taste in gay people, a straphanger tells Kareem, and the rant that follows is scorching. The rider tears into the Queer Eye guys, imagining them showing up like "five terrorists all dressed like Mugatu from Zoolander" with bomber jackets in shades of purple that don't exist on the ROYGBIV spectrum. The real problem? Progressive straight people are so desperate to be supportive that they give annoying gay men a pass, promoting them all the way up to Secretary of Transportation while talented lesbians like Cynthia Nixon lose to Andrew Cuomo. It's a wild, specific takedown of performative allyship. The punchline: Donald Trump is the most annoying gay person.
Full Transcript
So, what's your take? Straight people have terrible taste in gay people. 100% agree. Don't get mad at me, but I 100% agree.
Think of all the gay celebrities that straight people have made famous. They're wrong.
Ellen, the Queer Eye guys, Randy Rainbow— Wait. Wait.
—gay Bachelor. I like the Queer Eye guys. All right, listen. For seven years, straight people let the Queer Eye guys into their apartments. No questions asked, by the way. They say, "Come in. Yeah, take my sofa and compost it. It was given to me by my grandmother. She fought for women's rights. I don't give a—about her anymore. Yeah, replace it with a slab of reclaimed wood." Reclaimed from where? Room and Board, by the way. If the Queer Eye guys came to my apartment, I would call Homeland Security. I would say there are five terrorists here. They're all dressed like Mugatu from Zoolander. There is a bomber jacket that is a shade of purple I didn't even know was on the ROYGBIV spectrum.
Well, I don't know what that is. The ROYGBIV spectrum? That's gay talk.
Oh, 'cause it's a rainbow? I thought it was called the rainbow.
I cannot believe this. Who the—calls it the ROYGBIV?
This is anti-science. Open the schools. What kind of gay icons are we looking at here? John Waters?
John Waters, of course. Melissa Etheridge, Niecy Nash. But let me—okay, here's the thing. Here's the thing, Kareem. This is all because of— Why'd you say my name like that?
Because I'm accusing you of something. Are you ready? Okay. Okay. Progressive straight people want so badly to support gay people that they are so forgiving. So they meet the most annoying gay person ever and they're like, "I have to be supportive, like I guess he's annoying 'cause he's gay." That's homophobic. You think gay people are annoying? And suddenly that annoying gay person, all he has to do is flatter the straight people, he gets promoted, whatever. And suddenly that annoying gay person is Secretary of Transportation. Do you understand what I'm saying?
That's so fire.
Meanwhile, there are thoughtful, talented, smart lesbians every day. Cynthia Nixon lost to Andrew Cuomo. Do you understand what I'm saying? She had all the same ideas as Aaron. Shut up. Oh, and people were like, "I—" There's something off about her. Why? 'Cause she has a butch wife? Because she has a butch wife and loves theater?
Who's the most annoying gay person? Donald Trump.