Cats are better than dogs. @I@IanFidanceComedynyc
Summary
A passionate cat lover launches into an unhinged defense of felines over canines, arguing that cats teach "patience, love, respect, consent" while dogs are basically fascist collaborators. The rider shows off photos of their cats Samson, Glenn, Kremlin, and Mo, though Kareem catches them including a picture of their daughter. The rant gets wildly specific: golden doodles named Taco should be renamed Helen, loyal friends are overrated compared to honest ones, and cats are "like edging but with love." They poll nearby riders. The political angle escalates. Dogs work for ICE, sniff bombs for the feds, and tackle people. Cats? Just nice. The closer argues that fake service animals are a scourge and that if horses have to work, they deserve wages. It's chaotic, profane, and somehow makes a case that loving cats is an act of resistance.
Full Transcript
So, what's your take? Cats are better than dogs. 100% agree.
Cat people are kinder than dog people. Agree.
And I guarantee those clowns in Brown, those mass rat ICE agents taking over our towns don't own cats. They own dogs. Cats are better because they teach you patience, love, respect, consent. I know that cat people were very annoying.
No, no, no, no— No. I'm annoying.
I'm annoying. No, no, no. Let me show you my cats. Maybe I'll show you mine, too. That's Samson. That's Glenn. Kremlin and Mo.
That's a picture of your daughter. You're a liar. [laughter] All pets should have old people human names. I'm tired of meeting a golden doodle and her name is Taco. No. No. It's now Helen. Okay. Everyone's like, "A dog is loyal and it's your best friend." It's like, yo, having a loyal best friend, that is the dumbest human I've ever met. I love you. I need you. I respect you. Thank you for being my loyal best friend, Justin. Shout out. But it's easy to be loyal best friend.
You need an honest best friend. Cats are like edging but with love cuz once you get it, you're going to come. And also, speaking of which, I defy you to find a shorthair tabby get a heart on while it watches you eat dinner with your family. Dogs just sit there with a red rocket and everyone's like, "Oh, he's a good boy." It's like, don't say that. HE'S GOING TO COME.
HEY, DO YOU GUYS agree cats are better than dogs? Yes. Yes.
So, we got one, two, three, all three of you. Oh, you're a dog girl. You're a dog girl.
Get the out of here. Cats are the homies. They aren't drug sniffers. Cats aren't used by federal agents to tackle people. Dogs are nerds. Dogs are nsg.
When was the last time cat sniff a bomb? Dogs work for literal ICE.
Yeah, they're ICE dogs. There's no ICE cats. There's just nice cats. That's—
And also, one final thing. Uh, your dog is not a service animal. You are a liar and a selfish person. Deal with your anxiety like a regular person. Chain smoke and stay up at night reliving the horrors of the life you've lived. And if I may say, yeah—
If any animal is doing any work, they should be paid, including horses. How do you pay a horse? Hey— [laughter] If you disagree, say nay. Thank you. Now, when can I jump off the train?