Being an only child is the f*cking best. (📍London)Feat. Maia Tassalini

So, what's your take? Being an only child is the best.

100% disagree.

I knew you'd say that. Can I—Can I— One brother and one sister?

Well— Me.

Yeah. Is that right? I know. I Googled you. Go on. Tell me. Give me some preconceived notions. Only children are notoriously selfish.

Okay.

What I would say is, who likes to share? I think sharing is really good.

Everyone can share. No one likes to. What I would also say: the sibling industrial complex. You can zoom in on me. Sibling industrial complex has created these nasty myths about only children. Number one: "Oh, you. It must have been so lonely growing up." Ever heard of friends? Only children are mean. They're bullies.

And I'm going to say something to you and you're not going to like it. Fascist opinion.

What do you say? Let me cook. You say, "Let me cook. Let me cook. Let me cook. Let me cook." Because what you're saying is someone from a non-traditional family structure is defective.

Yes, I agree. I stand by it.

So let's take it to its conclusion. So a kid with two dads, a—a ch—a single parent— Having two dads is okay. Having a single mom is okay.

These points are sliding off you. Having a single child is awful.

You're a sheep for thinking that. I've seen siblings together. That dynamic is crazy to me. "Oh, you stole my iPad. Oh, that was my crisps. My worst enemy." That is true. But when they grow up, it's not about the child.

There's a scarcity mindset with—with—with siblings. Look, you—you haven't let me talk this whole time. You're so right.

You know why? Because when you were growing up, you're blah blah blah blah. And your parents are like, "Wow, you're such a nice kid." When really, they're just not even listening to you. Right. It's difficult because I have a single child, but—

Yes. I have siblings and I would rather have been a single child.

No, you would have rather been a single child. And she's not even a plant. I do. I know you. Never met you in my life. Never met you in my life. This is us. We're here. Guess what? We're here to stay because guess what? There's more only children than ever. It's good for the environment. So be nice to us, okay?

Do you want to—I feel like you're right. I haven't let you talk. See? Sharing. Sharing the air. Say something.

I don't have anything to say. You've already ruined my day.