Brittany Broski Defends Her 5 Most Controversial Takes

You hugged me and you said, "I'm going to fuck my pants right now." Boring. Kids want to enjoy cocktails too.

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What are we talking about? Fuck depressed. I reject the idea of this show. I reject what you stand for and who you are.

You're saying that to a person of color, be careful.

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So, what's your take? Here's my take, ready? Cocktail glasses, they need a rebrand.

100% agree. Cocktail glasses are not ergonomic, and I'll go through them one by one, thank you for asking. Wine glass. Okay. When I hold it at the top, I feel like a big-knuckled Neanderthal. You can get a Game of Thrones prop. You're like a Game of Thrones character. It's like a goblet.

Yeah. And then you hold the stem, I feel like an idiot.

That's true. Right? 'Cause you can't—oh, oh, it's falling. If I hold it like this, the stem—

Stem is stupid. It's weak. It's the weakest link. And I, and I understand, look, sommelier, right? You don't want to warm up the wine. I don't give a fuck. I don't give a fuck. I'm not holding it here, I'm not holding it here. Uh, martini glass. You breathe on it, it's slipping out, okay? That's called the martini dance.

It's girl, I don't want to—it's all excuse me, excuse me, it's all over the front of you. [laughter] Um, margarita glass. Way too fucking big. Always wet. Salt everywhere. There's salt in my hair, it's on my fucking—

Have you ever tried to pick up a margarita glass? I got to say I fuck with the margarita glass. You like the one with the blue rim?

I just like going like this. 'Cause, 'cause that one you don't pick it up. You—

Yeah, yeah, that a margarita glass you put on the bar and then you go— I'm just thinking about Margaritaville at the airport, which is, which is I try to go to every Margaritaville at every airport.

I really support that for you. They are good. It's a good deal. But is it good food? I know, I'm not eating. I'm not eating. I'm not eating there.

Oh, you're not eating? I'm not eating there. [laughter] No, no, I'm—I'm just—I'm I'm eating the drink. You're enjoying the spirit of Jimmy Buffett and what he represents. Is I, I did some research about Jimmy Buffett.

Yeah? Margaritaville is a state of mind.

Hey, it's 5 o'clock somewhere. Exactly. I've been there.

I think he invented that. I— [laughter] —don't—yeah, him and Alan Jackson, I do believe.

Did—is this real? Mom, did he invent "5 o'clock somewhere"? Yes.

Jimmy Buffett, yeah? Did he really? She's a big Parrothead.

No way. Yeah. No. [laughter] I'm shook. Trademark. You've been to 28—20, 28 Jimmy Buffett John C. Buffett? You've been to 28 John C. Buffett concerts?

Shrimp Key Buffett [laughter] Nightly. Wait, that's so sick. Bubba. Okay, this is awesome. Just—she, she just wants to sit down.

Yeah, you want [laughter] to come pop a squat?

[music] Okay, so the margarita glass, martini glass, wine glass, you don't like any of those.

I don't fuck with that. You know what I do fuck with? Plastic cup. Vegas specifically. The long—I want it as long as my torso, and I want to grip it, and I want it to be frozen. I like that. You like a long cup.

A long cup, and I think here's my solution, okay? 'Cause you the problem, here's my hot take, here's my solution.

Okay. Sippy cup. I think we need to make cocktail glasses a bit more accessible to the youth, to children. I want a sippy cup. I want to hold it on the sides and not warm up the liquid with my hot hand.

Like this. Guys, come on, kids want to enjoy cocktails too. They do. Right? Here's my problem with this.

Yeah, go ahead. Solution, solution-oriented. I like that you're a solution-oriented person. A lot of people come with a take and they don't have a solution.

Exactly. So I do appreciate you thinking about it.

To be the change you want to see. Here's what I'll say. I am having a problem right now with the world infantilizing— [laughter] —millennials. It's pissing me off.

Small bean. I saw some fuck fuck playing dodgeball.

Yeah, we're playing dodgeball. GET A LITERAL JOB. [laughter] NO, YOU KNOW WHAT WAS WORSE ABOUT IT? It was a work event. Uh, work dodgeball. Bro, they are doing—they're like—the pizza party has been replaced by activities for children.

Activity-based bonding in a corporate environment. And you know what's even worse about it? I don't want to call out this company.

No, say the name. It was a cool writing company that had an event, and it was like, "We're playing dodgeball while we like read poems." Oh, yay. And I was a bit like, can we just read the poems?

Yeah, [laughter] what if we went in a circle and popcorn read the poems? Literally. Yeah. Uh, do, do you have an opinion on this, on the infantilization of millennials? It, it really is—I just realized how much it's pissing me off.

Yeah, it's pissing me off. Buy a home. Talk to your dad. Have two. Have a 401k. Have a fuck 401k. Yeah, maybe you should think about the future. You're almost senile at this point.

You're literally middle-aged. If you are 35, you are middle-aged. [laughter] You don't have much time left. You don't.

Yeah. I think that the infantilization of millennials, I do agree with, and I think it's part of millennial cringe. It's why millennials get a lot of heat. It's why they're cringe. Yeah. They're like, "I'm just baby. I have no money." Fred Armisen, everyone apologize to Fred Armisen. "I'm a baby. I have no money."

Fred Armisen in his real life, he's not a little baby. No. But he plays the guy. Yeah, very well. Yeah. You know he has a cemetery in his backyard, and there are no bodies buried there. That's is millennial coded. [laughter] [music]

You know, your guests never look out the window. So I don't know if you've noticed. A—take a peek, it's Brooklyn. It's—this is really—we call Brooklyn, New York.

Wow. Uh, it's uh, it's no longer hip. It was hip for a time.

Uh, who's invaded? Everyone. Uh, oh. Everyone. We got rich people, we got poor people cosplaying as rich, we got rich people cosplaying as poor.

That's awesome. Hasidics, we got Amish, we got Muslims, we the whole thing. And you have a problem with this?

No, I'm 100% in. I'm one of them. I'm one of the problems. I'm all of the things. I'm Muslim, I'm young, I'm rich, I'm poor. Say that. Say that. I'm everything. I'm, I'm, I'm Zoro. I'm literally Zoro's New York.

Mom, Mom, Donny—what is it? Mom, Donny stand? I, I mean Mom, Donny stand, yeah, yeah. Or I just call it New York Hasidic.

New York Hasidic. Yeah, welcome. I'm surprised you don't have to wear a hijab. Left it at home today.

It's okay, yeah. You just have to do that in Dubai. Anyways, back to your original take. Yes. I like the long cup.

Yeah. I don't like the part where you're adding the handles. Really? That's the—that's the thing I don't think you need handles.

Well, here's I raise you this. A stein for beer has a handle. What's a stein? A stein—you know, like the German, like—a stein to drink beer out of. It's a mug.

Yeah. [laughter] That's what it is. Yeah, we got a big mug, like the biggest one.

Yeah, big goofy ass mug. I like that. That's really nice. Here was my second take. Ask me my second take.

So, what's your second take? Here's my second take. Cream.

[snorts] I think we need to get whimsical. Now, everyone get whimsical. That's whimsical. Get a big ass mug with a big handle, and I, I want you to laugh jolly.

Okay, okay. I think—here's another example of whimsy. Around Christmas, I really need more antlers on the top of cars. I need the Rudolph nose. Go all out.

Do it. Yeah. I like celebration and festivities.

Exactly. Um, would me wearing some sort of like cape—

Yeah. —be—would that count as whimsical? Like in public?

Yeah. Yes. Not in my home. Not in the comfort of my home. Fuck weird, especially not on a talk show. It's fuck weird. You have—you have a very whimsical, whimsical show. I do. It's full—